Oh my friends… let it all go… let it all out now.
I am going to be honest and real and hope you see YOUR own STRONG in what I want to share today. So this last weekend I spoke at the Enlightened Retreat in Midway Utah. I got home yesterday and I had so many moments of "awareness." My heart was so open and I had prepared for a year to share my message. I had prayed for many months to have the RIGHT message for those I would talk to. I knew I would have lots of time in the four days there to share and to receive. I get so emotional preparing for my speaking engagements. I have come to realize that speaking is a passion for me.
I am going to be honest and real and hope you see YOUR own STRONG in what I want to share today. So this last weekend I spoke at the Enlightened Retreat in Midway Utah. I got home yesterday and I had so many moments of "awareness." My heart was so open and I had prepared for a year to share my message. I had prayed for many months to have the RIGHT message for those I would talk to. I knew I would have lots of time in the four days there to share and to receive. I get so emotional preparing for my speaking engagements. I have come to realize that speaking is a passion for me.
I love sharing my passion and appreciation for life. I know that the broken me that is so imperfect has so much happiness to share. I do love myself in the most real and honest way RIGHT now in my imperfect "self". I see my weaknesses as my greatest lessons that HUMBLE me.
I have picked up the broken pieces of me OVER and OVER again in my life… to put my pieces back together. I am stronger from going through EACH experience.
I have picked up the broken pieces of me OVER and OVER again in my life… to put my pieces back together. I am stronger from going through EACH experience.
So are you my friends. This song is where I am at. It speaks to me... about me and my ongoing journey. It is so beautiful.
We are each beautiful with our chips, cracks, lines, flaws, we make think that our scars make us UGLY. They do not! They are there to remind of each of us of how STRONG we are. After difficult times that we all have in life we can be broken with the experiences of life. I decided to start blogging again in ways to share more of my personal life and how I am allowing ME to be ME.
I gained a lot of insight at the retreat from the yoga classes. I am still the wounded shy little girl from Hickory NC at times. I still need to "let it all go" in a beautiful, kind and loving way to myself.
"The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward."Quote unknown.
Oh my ... did my soul need this message right now. As the room was quiet at 6:30 am and the sun was still down. In the darkness and in the stillness, I laid on my mat in the midst of the beautiful dark room.
I allowed the message to sink into my inner being. It hit my heart and soul in a PROFOUND way. I saw the beauty within ME and in others MORE clearly. I saw my personal journey in its realness RIGHT now.
I did the real ugly cry as I ALLOWED myself to mourn my pain, loss and moving on daily in my imperfect life and with my imperfect me. I realized often I keep my pain inside because I want to be STRONG for everyone around me. I run away from those feelings and I push anyone anyway that I feel will leave me. I still am scared of loss and being abandoned.
I was instantly taken back to the night prior to Tyler's death. He knew the time was nearing and he was in so much pain. Yet he did not want to take any pain medication so he would be awake. I could tell that as his fragile body was getting ready to go HOME to God and he was scared to leave me. He did not want to say goodbye to "us" or our children.
In that tender moment, he asked me to get in the bed beside him and simply hold him. As he was preparing to leave this mortal life, he cried as he let me hold him. I told him it was okay for him to GO. I told him he had done everything he needed to do. I promised he that I would be okay and that I would take care of our kids. I was strong. I even said this without crying. I needed him to think that I was strong enough.
I did the real ugly cry as I ALLOWED myself to mourn my pain, loss and moving on daily in my imperfect life and with my imperfect me. I realized often I keep my pain inside because I want to be STRONG for everyone around me. I run away from those feelings and I push anyone anyway that I feel will leave me. I still am scared of loss and being abandoned.
I was instantly taken back to the night prior to Tyler's death. He knew the time was nearing and he was in so much pain. Yet he did not want to take any pain medication so he would be awake. I could tell that as his fragile body was getting ready to go HOME to God and he was scared to leave me. He did not want to say goodbye to "us" or our children.
In that tender moment, he asked me to get in the bed beside him and simply hold him. As he was preparing to leave this mortal life, he cried as he let me hold him. I told him it was okay for him to GO. I told him he had done everything he needed to do. I promised he that I would be okay and that I would take care of our kids. I was strong. I even said this without crying. I needed him to think that I was strong enough.
As I was on the mat, I remembered that moment, the memory of laying in the hospital bed at Huntsmen with Tyler. It rushed into my mind and I was crippled. I cried nonstop and let my tears freely flow. I didn't believe I was strong enough then. I was so scared. I felt he was abandoning me. I I felt so alone and I felt a helpless. I realized that I was crying with so much gratitude, in that tender moment. I heard Sadie instruct us in the yoga session to ALLOW ourselves to FEEL and accept and let anything go that we needed to.
I cried so much that I could not open my eyes and even though most would think it was SAD tears it was actually tears of acceptance. I had to let the tears GO. I am so thankful for what and who has come into my life. It's okay to be sad over pain. It's okay to feel sad over our HARD. The song she played was the song...."let it all go" and it SPOKE to my heart in a new way.
I had new awareness of the PAIN and the HARD I have endured. I love my broken me, my "countless" flaws, my legs with horrible veins, my stretch marks, my insecurities, my happiness in loving my insecure shy little girl from Hickory.
I had new awareness of the PAIN and the HARD I have endured. I love my broken me, my "countless" flaws, my legs with horrible veins, my stretch marks, my insecurities, my happiness in loving my insecure shy little girl from Hickory.
I hope you will read my blog and know I am sharing because I know my TRUTH can be a way for you to see ME but see YOU in my story. We are all broken at times. We all have our HARD. We simply can't compare our MESS or HARD with that of others. We are all BEAUTIFUL in ways we don’t see and often it is allowing us to see the REALNESS in ourselves and in others.
I believe that we ALL must LET IT ALL GO... at times. I believe our hard times are actually PROOF of our fragility and that we are so much "MORE" resilient than we realize. This makes our experiences both good and the bad- beautiful. 
